Thursday, April 01, 2010

Having kids changes EVERYTHING!!!

*Disclaimer - Blogger is in a mood and refuses to leave in paragraph breaks. I apologize.*

People always tell you this - Having kids changes EVERYTHING!!! I've heard it all my life. Especially when Drew and I started thinking about starting a family, and when I was GREAT with child. And I totally knew what everyone meant. I prepared myself for all the changes - dirty diapers, stinky pails for said diapers, nothing ever being where you want it again, messes in the floor, having to drag too much stuff with you everywhere you go, never having QUIET again, and my least favorite change - never again getting to sleep-in. I mentally prepped myself for all of this, and for the most part, I'm ok with the changes.
Here's what I didn't know. Having kids changes EVERYTHING!!!! Not just the funcitonality of your life, but the emotions of your world. I see EVERYTHING in a different light.
Some friends of ours had their twins 4.5 months early and for 3 or 4 days after hearing the news, I was inconsolable. I SOBBED (to the point of not being able to speak about it) for literally days. I had to wait to go see them in the hospital because I was such a mess and I didn't want to take that into their already emotional world. Everytime I thought about those sweet, sweet babies, my brain went into a spiral of "what ifs" about Tucker. I couldn't handle it emotionally.
When T was around 6 months old, I was asked to sing "Breath of Heaven" at my parents' church one Sunday (during Advent). It's one of my old standards. I've been singing it at that church since I was in high school every single Advent. But this time, it was all I could do to not just cry through it all. I just pictured Mary and her fears and discomforts and all that she went through later in her child's life. That our JESUS - the hero we all know of - was HER BABY -- her Tucker!!! It's more than my heart can contain to think of his mother throughout the entire gospel now.
And Easter (not just the joy of the first hunting of eggs and chocolate pictured above)! I am amazed by how much MORE AMAZING, breathtaking, overwhelming, the gift of the sacrifice and resurrection is when I think of it being for TUCKER! Please do not mistake me by feeling I am not awestruck by this gift for ME because I am. It's more than I can comprehend most days. But this season, sitting through Lenten services and readings, I tear up every single time thinking how UNBELIEVABLY GRATEFUL I am that TUCKER has salvation. That my God loves her even more than I do - that he wants her safe and happy and in his care!
*sniff, sniff* {Pardon me while I blow my nose and dry my tears.}
Folks, let me tell you, having kids changes EVERYTHING!!! It not only changes your LIFE, but it changes your PERSPECTIVE, your HEART, your SOUL!!!
But I guess most of you probably already knew that, huh?
Love & Shipoopies,


Anonymous said...

I have always been touched by your spirituality. I have witnessed the scene described (emotions flying everywhere during the song) several times. I am a bit prejudiced because you and I are so much alike, but God reached you when you were so tiny. The reason you are such a wonderful mom is because of your intense feelings for your Lord. Your faith has touched so many people---even got your old dad back on track. Sometimes your emotions overload that beautiful heart of yours and the feelings have to be shared with the world. Ha. You are correct, by the way. I never hear that song that i don't get emotional.When I lost both my mom and dad, the losses were devastating, yet, I cannot imagine how I could go on if I lost you or your brother.(Tucker and Carly are another level we will save for later). Ha. Seriously, giving up your son so mankind will have a chance for salvation. I guess the good part is we have read the epilogue and know it has a happy ending, but talk about the greatest gift ever bestowed. Wow! You are still my favorite writer. Does it help to know that I never get through Easter without the same emotions and tears? Hang in there and keep the faith. In a few years I predict that little girl with all the curls will be singing Breath of Heaven and having the same emotional reaction. Love you all sooooo much.

Camily said...

Wow. You couldn't have put it more perfectly. Beautiful!