I really never intended to disappear.
Not even for a day, much less a week!!!
Life, my friends, has just gotten the best of me lately. I have truly been overwhelmed at times, and just busy living life (and away from my computer) at others. Since last Monday, I worked a lot, ran a ton of errands, drove late-night from north of the ATL to central Alabama to my parents' place, sang at a hometown festival, visited with loads of people (but mostly my brother, sister in law, and darling niece), and then began preparing (and stressing) to take my mother and father to the hospital for her to have surgery. For the most part in those situations, I can compartmentalize the worry and stress and focus on the to do lists and planning. (I get THAT from my mother.) However, during prayer in church Sunday and again a couple of times with no lists to be done while AT the hospital, my heart, spirit, and brain got active (as opposed to my hands) and the Daddy in me would come out. I'd start on the "what ifs" and quickly pray that none of them happened. Tears would start and I'd have to quickly divert myself to a TASK!!!
Surgery went well. She's doing fine and will hopefully be coming home tomorrow.
Big sigh of relief.
I assure you I did NOT cry most of the way home from the hospital tonight (about an hour) when I could finally let myself absorb and release all the stress I had been hiding from myself! (Well, maybe that's a lie.) Shew - If you REALLY need to, you can deny a pretty good amount of worry and stress. Just beware because eventually, it WILL surface. :)
I decided as I pulled off the interstate in my hometown (not my current abode) that a homemade ice cream, fresh peaches kind of peach milkshake from a local market was necessary to soothe my soul. Diet be darned! I've been doing pretty well - saving points, using food treats sparingly, learning to use things OTHER than food to cope with life, BUT if I'm thinking about my Mama in pain or life without her, ice cream is NEEDED.
Now the ice cream is finished; some laughs were had with my big brother and his sweet wife; tears of joy and silliness were experienced watching our 2 two year olds play together; checked in with Daddy (who is still at the hospital); and I'm eating some of the world's BEST boiled peanuts (hands-down. I swear.) while watching a great comedy re-run.
I'm always a little amazed at the end of a day that COULD have turned into something terribly traumatic, when life is simply back to normal. It takes no time for you to realize the world is actually still spinning and you're expected to hop back on it. And you CAN hop back on it. God has sustained me through one more day. He brought me loved ones to be with me and loved ones to take care of things for me in my absence. He showed me someone sitting in a surgery waiting room alone and made me, yet again, so very thankful for my enormous, rambunctious family, that I will never have to be alone in such a stressful situation. He sent a sweet aunt and cousin to help the day be fun for my sweet baby so I didn't have to worry at all about her. He gave me the joy of coming home after crying on the road to the hysterical laughter of T and Carly-boo playing together in the bath. He surrounded me with comfort all the day long - like a giant hug from him.
I am so grateful that he loves me enough to hear a prayer that goes something like, "I KNOW I'm supposed to pray for YOUR will and I truly want to, but since you know this anyway, you should know that I WANT your will to be what IIIIIIII want this time, please." :)
And can I just say that there is nothing I want more at the end of a stressful, exhausting, draining day, than to walk in and see my baby's eyes light up at the sight of me and her letting me hug her for as long as I want before putting her in her crib. The circle of Mommies and their babies...
On a MUCH lighter note, last Sunday, my little one was so scared of the swimming pool that she would only let ME hold her - not even her Daddy. She wanted to be as still and dry as possible and still call it swimming.
Then her same-aged cousin did the equivalent of a triple dog dare! Carly-bug got on her water wings and (at 20 months old) went down the big pool slide all by herself. T watched for a few and then said, "Mommy, I side?"
Our second day in the pool with Carly, with our new waterwings (a better fit and just like Carly's), I very quickly heard, "No, Mommy! LET GO!"
These two girls are gonna be funny through life - encouraging each other - in good ways AND bad I fear. :) tee-hee!
Love & Shipoopies,