Terrible TWOs-days

I am a mom.

Of a 2 year old.

You probably know this.

All in all (as I tell almost anyone who asks), we are insanely, unbelievably, "wonder what kind of blood-payment is going to be expected from us in the future for this wonderful gift" kind of blessed with our 2 year old.

Minus the occassional exception, she sleeps well, eats well, goes along with most anything (or anyone) we throw at her, and behaves pretty well...

...for a two year old, that is.

And she's funny. Not comedy club funny, but seriously two-year-old-hysterical! Her vocabulary is (and I realize this will sound like bragging, but I swear you can ask people that aren't her parents OR grandparents and they will agree with this statement) pretty friggin' enormous... maybe even for a 4 or 5 year old. She's pretty easy to understand and will at least TRY to repeat anything anyone says. (Cue the "watch what you say" warning looks and music here.)

Just this week, she has begun walking up to anyone and everyone saying, "Hewooooo. How yoooooooooy day? I fIIIIIIIIIne day."

Seriously. Hysterical.

And polite. I swear, my 2 year old is pretty stinkin' polite! She knows "please" and "thank you" (and sometimes even "thank you bear much") and when to use each. She sometimes has to be prompted on the "please" but never more than once. And her gratitude is so genuine. When I fill her juice cup and hand it to her or locate the lost toy of the moment, I hear "Oooooooh, THANK you, Mommy!" (With a wonder that says, "Dear lady, I can not believe you would possibly be so kind as to spend your time helping me with this amazingly miraculous favor. I could never possibly thank you enough to repay your kindness.")

But here's the thing. She's 2. TWO, I say.

You know there's that name they have for two year olds. (And if even one of you says to me, "Just wait. Three's WAY worse than two," I will e-mail you, ask for your address, buy a plane ticket, fly there, rent a car, drive to your house/apartment/mansion and SMACK YOU! I hate when people tell you that you have a bus THREE TIMES the size of the one that just ran over you on its way, as some sort of consolation. Thankyouverymuch.)

Here's where an especially verbal two year old gets you (or herself) into trouble.

A two year old (who loves to parrot and be like Mommy and Daddy) doesn't have the rationale to understand that she can't say everything to Mommy and Daddy that Mommy and Daddy can say to HER. Case in point:

Me: "Tucker, come here, please."

Tucker (one finger wagging in my direction) : "No, MA'AM, Mommy. No, No, Ma'am!"

(The first time she got onto my husband saying, "No, Ma'am," I thought his head might actually just pop right off. )

It seems SO VERY smart-tail-ish. Of course, it's not. How is she to know that she can't get onto us the same way we get onto her? (Although I promise my finger NEVER wags. Someone else showed her that delight.)

I'm guessing "pecking order" isn't important enough to be in the "automatic" list when God creates babies if "holding it" and "pee-peeing in the potty" aren't.

Just sayin'.

Of course, "No, Ma'am, Mommy" doesn't warrant a terrible twos kind of post. I realize that in all two-year-old behavior, this is pretty minor -- almost too miniscule to mention (if it weren't for the humerous picture of my child chastizing me with her finger a-waggin').

But this weekend, a dear friend and the future Mr. dear friend came through our territory. Dear friend hadn't seen my sweet child since she was about 9 months old. Dear friend (and after getting to know him, the future Mr. dear friend) is one of the sweetest, most polite, thoughtful, wonderful people I have ever met.

Seriously. She should have tiny cartoon blue birds circling her singing happy songs. (And around her, it wouldn't be the tiniest bit obnoxious.)

I was so excited for her to see how sweet and polite and wonderful and adorable my child is. Instead, this is how conversations went:

"I have that!" (For those of you who don't speak 2-year-old, this means "Give me that.")

"What do you say, Tucker?"

"I HAAAAAVE that."

"Tucker, what's the nice way to ask?"

"I HAAAAAAAAAAVE that! (with some added fake sobbing)"

"What is the magic word?"

*Blank stare, fake tears*

Seriously? My child, who gets comments every single place we go because she says please and thank you so often? I heard ONE "please" the entire 24 hours they were here.

Thank you, Two. I appreciate your visit at such an opportune time.

Really.

Thank you BEAR much.

Love & Shipoopies,
Leslie