Thursday, January 14, 2010

Do Not Attempt or Allow Somersaults

As part of my resolve to reach my goal weight, I'm trying to create easier ways to get some action in my life. I have the treadmill and I do enjoy using it, but that generally means getting up at 5:45am, and since I don't generally get to bed until midnight, that's a time of day I don't enjoy. We're working on the bedtime and as a result the getting up to the treadmill time, and I have a few videos for days when it's too cold to go into the garage. But I decided that I needed something that I can move on while watching TV, because I'm realistic. Some days I won't wake up at 5:45 and I will want to watch some mindless TV in the evenings. So I got one of THESE:

I'm sure at this point, those of you who know me are expecting a "Leslie busted it off of that mini-trampoline" story, but you are wrong. (Though, let's be honest. It's probably coming in the near future.)

I got the trampoline out of the box and began putting it together one night when Drew was still at school and was quickly stopped in my tracks when I read THIS warning in the instructions (in all caps and bold): "ALWAYS USE TWO OR MORE STRONG PEOPLE TO UNFOLD OR FOLD THE CIRCUIT TRAINER TRAMPOLINE. FAILURE TO USE TWO OR MORE STRONG PEOPLE MAY ALLOW THE RAILS TO SPRING BACK INTO THE FOLDED POSITION AND STRIKE SOMEONE WHICH CAN CAUSE SERIOUS BODILY INJURY OR DEATH."

I immediately put the trampoline down. That is NOT a story I want told at my funeral! "How'd it happen?" "Well, she was putting a mini-tramp together, it snapped closed and killed her dead right there."

While I was waiting on Drew's return so we would have "two or more strong people", I decided to read more of these fabulous instructions and warnings. Here are some of the real gems from the "Trampoline Use Instructions".

*Do not attempt or allow somersaults. (This thing is maybe 2.5 feet in diameter.)

*Do not allow more than one person on the trampoline at a time. (Again, 2.5 feet in diameter)

*Use trampoline only with mature, knowledgeable supervision (at which point, Drew said, "Are you sure YOU'RE going to be able to use it without me here?").

*Do not use the trampoline as a springboard. (I don't promise to never use it as a springboard onto my couch, but I'll try.)

*Learn fundamental bounces and body positions thoroughly. (???Are there mini-tramp training classes that I missed?)

*For skill training, contact a trainer certification organization. (Apparently there ARE mini-tramp training classes I missed out on. Who knew?!?)

*Avoid bouncing when tired. (I have to be mature AND full awake?!? I'll NEVER get to use this thing!!!)

*Keep objects away which could interfere with the performer. (Performer??? I hope to never have an audience while on this thing.)

*Do not use when trampoline is wet or in windy conditions. (So in the moment when my living room ceiling falls in on a rainy, windy night, that is NOT the moment to hop on the mini-tramp and work up a sweat. Got it.)

Here's wishing you a safe, healthy, bouncy day!




Whitney said...

Since the mini-tramp sounds more hazardous to your health than beneficial, maybe you should try that program where you use a chair and you get a fireman's pole. Ella seems to think it is the quickest way to get small. HA! Wonder what the instructions say for that program......

Leslie said...

HAHAHA!! I never even transfered Ella's suggestion to my own mini-tramp problems, but you're right, that sounds like an amazing plan - and quick according to Ella, huh? haha!

And I'm guessing THOSE instructions wouldn't be blog-friendly. :)

Rebekah said...

Wow!! That Mini-Trampoline sounds a little scarey!!

He & Me + 3 said...

OMGosh, that is too funny. Can't wait to see your performance. lOL

Camily said...

Hilarious! (Thanks for your comments on my blog--I love finding new blog friends!)

I'll be back!

Amanda said...

Hahaha - Leslie! I just got my belly laugh for the day. Only you and Ellen DeGeneres can do that. Well, and Kyle. :-)